Circles and shtuff

I'm at the hostel and it's my last night in Australia, tomorrow I fly to San Diego to continue my adventure. I leave Australia with a greater awareness of the amazing world of the amazing people around me. I leave humbled by how much more I've yet to do... In spirit of starting a new chapter with my life, I'm closing this blog... at least for awhile. I don't anticipate that to be a huge disappointment to anyone, I don't even know how many people read this, but that's not the point.

It's served its two main purposes of keeping me connected to you while overseas and providing a different means for me to explore my perspectives while here. Of all the many 'take aways' from my time here, one has been a glimpse into all of the kick ass things there are to do in this world. So many crazy experiences to have. I have an appreciation for all that I've done, and an even greater desire towards all that I want to do.

The main question I have after making this dream of mine happen: What the hell took me so long to get here; what else am I putting off that could be as good as or better than this? So in that spirit of desire, I thought I'd close this blog with a journal I did sometime ago during my stay here.

Thanks for your company, all is Love, dare to dream.

"God asks, 'Ryan, do you love me?'
I stare, think, stop, 'That's a good question... why do you ask?'
And my heart continues, 'For you surely already know the answer; you know it more assuredly than I do. So why DO you ask, because I truthfully do not know. I think I do, I want to, I think I want to, but I pause when I go to respond. How is it that I can want, to DESIRE, to love another, when I'm not even sure what that entails?

I don't believe I've experienced that DESIRE to love another HUMAN BEING... there's been a desire for the human, physically or emotionally, but not a desire for the love, at least according to my senses - although with my new focus on the feelings instead of the person that perspective seems to be changing. But perhaps that's all one in the same. Perhaps the DESIRE for love is where divinity really rests, not the love itself, or lack there of, but that space between... I think we can agree that the desire for love and not the desire for the individual is what is supreme.

The people and creations of this world are God's and God is Love... some would say desire separates the two; others would say it links the two. Feelings and non - feelings... our experience is God's experience... through Him we are given life, and through us He gives Himself... contrast... perspective... desire. In my humble human eyes the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-pervasive existence of God can't know that powerful feeling of desire save through the experiences of His creations. For me, the phrase "Seize the day" or "Live like you're dieing" takes on new meaning in this context. It's powerful to want, to dream, and it's divine to pursue those ends... even in the smallest, seemingly insignificant ways.

Lord give me wonder and give me awe, give me a touch of folly. I don't want answers, only to let me know your Love in new ways, everyday."